Destiny or personal choices? Is it God or simply… me?
As I enjoy my skim latte, sitting here in my Versace lingerie, Donna Karan robe, and Rene Caovilla slippers, on my fancy balcony and being surrounded by the seductive fragrance of my jasmine garden, in this sunny yet windy Wednesday afternoon, I glance at all the frenzied movement that was happening right under me. From where I am, it purely seems like I took a step out of real-life and I have the chance of a different perspective of people and of this world. Everything seems so wild and crazy. People are moving fast, going places, looking at their watches and talking on their phones; cabs tend to leave a customer at their needed destination and at the same second they suddenly receive a new order; police cars try to squeeze through the hectic traffic so all you can hear is their sirens going off; and then… I realize that all these appearances have a stronger background. I realize that behind this craziness people have hopes, wishes, and aspirations. I look at the buildings around me and I realize that behind those walls and windows, true dramas might be taken place. In that instance, I understand that though we are very complex beings, we tend to take life too seriously or too mockingly. We never find a balance within us.
I light up a cigarette, and profoundly smoke a loaded nicotine breath from it, and think of my past… How did I become the person that I am today? How did I manage to get here? How did I get to live in a luxurious 3 bedroom apartment in the Upper East Side of Manhattan?
I take another smoke of my cigarette and easily sip some latte from my mug. I gently touch a jasmine flower that sits nicely in a vase in front of me and then look at the gentle sun that is caressing my face and contemplate for a second. I’ve been in so many luxurious apartments; undressed in so many pompous marble bathtubs; my skin touched dozens of Egyptian silk sheets, and my body laid in so many hand-carved mahogany King size beds, but it’s the first time when I can call it “my own”.
I wonder if this was my destiny. Did I make my own destiny by the choices that I made in life or was it, really, my dream? Did I blindly work for this or was it simply meant to happen?
If somebody would have asked me some years ago “where do I see myself in 10 years?” I was sure I could firmly answer that I was going for a college education, hoping that by the time I graduated and received my diploma, I was already married with at least one child, at home. I wanted a family life, or at least that’s what I thought.
Coming from a small town, no one ever believed I had the brain to attend college. Not even my family, from which I’ve never had much support.
So, I graduated from a prestigious university and later on I started to travel. I traveled so much that after almost one year, my passport became similar to an antique book due to all the stamps in it. The thirst for knowledge became stronger and stronger, and because I was satisfying my desires by traveling and learning about different cultures, I wanted to learn more about other fields. Therefore I started a second college, which I followed through an online method. I managed to get through all my exams while traveling the globe and here I am with my two diplomas.
When I think of myself, I realize I cannot be constrained. I like to break rules; I love to create hassle, and more than anything I adore screwing things up (people, time, schedules, and lives). When it comes to a career, well… I had that for a while, but I quit it. I quit that shallow, “follow the rules” life, and I started a new beginning with more adventure, promiscuity, and thrill. For me would be so difficult to be constrained in a tiny four walls office.
I’ve had 3 important jobs, but I realized I’m not a career woman. I’d like to be that but, it’s not for me. Maybe I had too much freedom within my travel, and now obeying the rules is unimaginable. Not going to lie, but the only thing that attracts me in an office are the fantasies that I can vividly imagine. My life happens at night. I truly love the night, but yet again I adore mornings in bed with a cup of coffee, lingering naked in silky sheets.
I am innocent and nice yet very dark and twisted. I developed an elegant taste for luxury and expensive clothes, furniture, perfumes, and life. I tend to believe I deserve plenty of things, because … well, because I am such an interesting person.
I sleep with men. Pardon that mistake! I meant to say rich and very rich men. We all have our hobbies, don’t we? I’ve realized that men are men, no matter what. They can have everything they desire but they are still looking to reassure their manhood. We’re all looking for something and throughout life, there will always be a continuous search for perfection, in any domain. Some men prefer women with big breasts, others prefer brunettes. Some women look for financial stability, others look for a friend. I tend to look for an exquisite way of living. That is why I like the men that offer me that. Can you even imagine how much fun I can have? I get to fly with private jets, ride limousines, drink expensive champagne, eat refined caviar and spend time on private islands. Oh, yes! Are you starting to be jealous?
I love sex and I love the men I sleep with because they have money. If I didn’t like them I couldn’t sleep with them because I’ve never been good at faking anything. This is why I can say that I could never be a luxurious escort. I couldn’t fake orgasm. From my perspective, the mistress role fits me perfectly! I am a mistress because I never accept to get paid for sleeping with men, but I accept all the other complementary attentions.
Many times I compare myself with the pretty jasmine flowers. Did you know that jasmine syrup is used as flavoring? That is me. I am the syrup of men because I flavor their simple and common lives. I bring them back to life and inspire them passion. Even more than that, did you know that jasmine is not an essential oil, yet an absolute one? I am what rich men need. After they see me I run through their veins, their skin and make their body pulsate more than ever. Jasmine essence has an aphrodisiac effect and if used properly, maintains a healthy state of mind. Similar to me, the one writing to you right now. If you know how to handle me I can arise you easily and make you keep your mind and body sanity.
I live a crazy life. I live a life that many would say that it’s out of movie scripts, but I tend to keep it for myself. As a mistress, it’s better to know how to be silent. Too many words can make you lose friends, people love, and caresses. Who doesn’t like to be cared for?
My life is hectic, but I enjoy every second of it. Sometimes, I realize that I would like to have a family. I would enjoy having a husband and more than anything I would love to have a little girl. I would teach her how to be the best mistress ever, and so I would spear her of all the pain of loving and giving yourself to a “better half”. Even so, I don’t know if I will ever get married. That’s because I don’t know if I will stop the way of life that I have now. I don’t even know if… Will I ever get old? What if I’ll get old too fast? What I know for sure is that I’ll never regret the way I lived. Or… will I?
Who knows what is to come? The important part is that in this life we’ll all looking for perfection and to reach that Nirvana state. Some people tend to blame mistresses, and some secretly look up to them. From my perspective, each and every one of us has a dark side that he or she needs to release. I believe that every individual can have a mistress side, no matter how much they would accuse with words this sort of action. Trust me, action speaks much louder than words, and all of us have that human drive in our behavior.
All that matters is that at this point, while I am sitting on my balcony, smoking and writing these thoughts for you, I feel sad…
Lonely and sad.